I want|to|be perfect

I woke up this morning feeling really hungry so I watched Moulin Rouge to pass the time, I love that film. I figure if I keep myself busy then I won't have time to eat so I need to find things to do, cleaning, homework, reading...whatever. After I got out of the bath I felt so weak I lay on the bathroom floor for ages, I could hardly lift my head. When I finally got up I passed out, for the first time in my life. It was the strangest feeling in the world, I felt like I was floating in the darkness as I fell. When I've gone without food before I've gone dizzy but I've never got to the point where I pass out, maybe this time I've gone deeper with Ana. Maybe this time we won't lose eachother.

I keep seeing scissors and knives downstairs and imagining the rush of the blade in my skin, the release as the blood trickles in no particular direction, not caring where it lands. I've resisted picking them up and doing it but the temptation is growing, please God don't let me make another scar to hide...

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